Cell Phones

I knew it would happen soon enough.  Children these days cannot go five minutes without checking their phones.  I am willing to turn a blind eye to it, because the frequent users are often so amusingly perplexed when they see their terrible grades.

But when someone not only allows their phone to make noise in class, but answers it?  Intolerable.  This happened today, and the student seemed to think that because he was at the back of the room, he could carry on a conversation.

I stopped talking, took my attendance book in hand, and walked up to the back of the room and stood over him.  Being the type of self-centered maggot that he is, he didn't stop talking immediately.  When he finally hung up the phone, he looked up at me and said, "Sorry.  I had to take that call."

"Really?  Deciding on your lunch plans was more important than this class?  I hope it's a good lunch, because you have just failed.  Tell me your name so I can put it on the record."

He flinched at first, but then seemed to regain his arrogance.  "How can you fail me?  You don't even know who I am?"

I sighed, though inwardly I smiled.  I had hoped he would say that.  "Very well then."  I looked at the attendance sheet in front of me, and picked a male-sounding name at random.  Well, maybe not entirely random.  The boy in front of me was Caucasian, so I intentionally chose a name that wasn't.  "Eduardo Valverde.  You now fail this class."

A Hispanic boy across the room immediately jumped up from his chair and said, "You can't do that!  That's not fair!"  The whole class seemed shocked, but the rude boy in front of me seemed almost as shocked as Eduardo.

"I will not tolerate rude behavior in my classroom, and someone must be punished for it.  Since I do not know this person's name, then it falls to you.  You can either fail the class, or find out this gentleman's name."

"You can't do this," said Eduardo.  He took a few steps toward me and the rude boy.  I did not pay him much mind, but the boy seemed to be getting nervous.  While Eduardo wasn't huge, he did seem to be more muscular than the scrawny white boy now sinking into his desk.

"I can and I will.  You are of course welcome to drop the class, there is still time before the deadline."

"But I need this class," said Eduardo, more to the rude boy than to me.

"So do I," the boy said, though with a small voice.

"Look, you were the asshole talking on your phone during class.  You should drop and take it again next semester."

"But I'm in mechanical engineering.  It will throw off my whole schedule!"

Eduardo leaned over the desk.  "If your schedule is that important, maybe you should have been more focused in class."

The boy shrank further.  I saw his eyes shimmer, and I knew it was a good day.  "My name is Dave Hewitt."

"Dave Hewitt," I repeated out loud, as much to confirm it on my role as to see if he had by some chance try to be clever and give someone else's name.  "You may have failed this class, and most likely your life in general, but you have enriched everyone else's education as a result.  Thank you, and goodbye."

He sniffled as he gathered his books as quickly as he could, and ran out the classroom.  I may have heard his cell phone ring again.  I didn't bother to look at Eduardo as he went to sit back down.  I walked straight to the front of the room and finished my lecture on limits and continuity.